The Phonies vs The Hoaxsters.

Move over Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao. When it comes to the ultimate dream match-up look no further than the Salahis against the Heenes. But who would win this battle to become the mythical pound for pound publicity hounds from hell? Let's see how they measure up:

THE SALAHIS:

• Winning strategy - Phonied their way into the White House.
• Major strength - Shameless narcissism to utilize wife's floozy charms for their publicity stunt.
• Major weakness - Middle-Eastern sounding name.
• Major achievement - Managed to get photographed shaking hands with President Obama.
• Kudos points - Michaele Salahi didn't devolve into "Morganna, the kissing bandit" and cover the president in sloppy wet kisses. Masterful restraint.

THE HEENES:

• Winning strategy - Executed the hoax to perfection, almost.
• Major strength - Cold-blooded narcissism to exploit own six year old son for their publicity stunt.
• Major weaknesses - Exploiting the kid named Falcon was a  little too contrived.
• Major achievement - Wall to wall live coverage on major cable news channels.
• Kudos points - Didn't play the race-card, i.e. could easily have claimed that a big black man kidnapped their child, but had the decency not to go there.
  
  
  
  

It's probably too close to call, but I would give the title to the Salahis, if only because social climbing seems to be a particularly loathsome undertaking. Hoaxes, on the other hand have a rich, creative history. Remember Orson Welles and the martial invasion of America.

(Interested in pulling your own hoax? Then check out these valuable tips on how to execute the perfect hoax today.)