The Phonies vs The Hoaxsters.

Move over Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao. When it comes to the ultimate dream match-up look no further than the Salahis against the Heenes. But who would win this battle to become the mythical pound for pound publicity hounds from hell? Let's see how they measure up:

THE SALAHIS:

• Winning strategy - Phonied their way into the White House.
• Major strength - Shameless narcissism to utilize wife's floozy charms for their publicity stunt.
• Major weakness - Middle-Eastern sounding name.
• Major achievement - Managed to get photographed shaking hands with President Obama.
• Kudos points - Michaele Salahi didn't devolve into "Morganna, the kissing bandit" and cover the president in sloppy wet kisses. Masterful restraint.

THE HEENES:

• Winning strategy - Executed the hoax to perfection, almost.
• Major strength - Cold-blooded narcissism to exploit own six year old son for their publicity stunt.
• Major weaknesses - Exploiting the kid named Falcon was a  little too contrived.
• Major achievement - Wall to wall live coverage on major cable news channels.
• Kudos points - Didn't play the race-card, i.e. could easily have claimed that a big black man kidnapped their child, but had the decency not to go there.
  
  
  
  

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Brain-teaser Monday.

Complete the headline for this poster.

• Wussies.
• Whoopsies.
• Pansies.
• Pussies.

Champagne Valentine anyone?

It's not a fizzy cocktail, but rather a wonderful creative digital agency based in Amsterdam. These guys are making interactivity in art and video a whole new experience.

“We are trying to create new mythologies and new visual and interactive experiences for the world, to give it something beautiful to engage with,” says Anita Fontaine, one of Champagne Valentine's founders.

Case in point: Their interactive video for Placebo's “The Never-Ending Why” is mesmerizing. The video pulls you into a graphic world inhabited by monsters, but you get to control the experience. Click here and play god.

(Sharing credit to jawbone.tv)

Brain-teaser Monday.

Unscramble the frames to build the storyboard.


Answer to last week's brain-teaser: Rodney, Willi

This post brought to you by The History Channel.

The history of the Blog is a little fuzzy. It's earliest origins can probably be traced back to 1993, but here's what we do know definitively.

In 1994, Justin Hall, a student at Swarthmore, introduces us to the shape and format of the blog as we know it today with his site, links.net. Only the term blog would come much later.

In 1997, Jorn Barger decides to call his site, RobotWisdom.com a "web log", the actual forerunner to the term blog. A few weeks later, man walks on two legs.

1998, Peter Merholz coins the term "Blog". He now lives off the royalties on his private island in the Caribbean with his supermodel girlfriends. (Okay, the last part about the island and supermodels is totally made up.)

Now you know. For more very useful historical titbits check this out.

Wish there was an app for that.

One of the more interesting, okay the only interesting thing I overheard at an industry party the other day was a conversation regarding iPhone apps. There are currently over eighty-five thousand apps for the iPhone. That's a lot of apps, and to be honest I don't get the appeal. I mean what does iFart really do for you other than channel your inner Beavis and Butthead.

"Wouldn't it be great", said the twenty something South African to his colleague, "if there an app that allowed you to test the purity of your blow." The gist of his musing was that you would place your cocaine on the iPhone and the app would breakdown the ingredients, i.e. the ratio of rat poison to actual processed cocoa. Now, I know nothing about the Narco Science and Technology involved in such an endeavor, but leaving aside the obvious legal issues you have to admit its feasibility would have more practical value than iFart.

Anyway, this got me thinking about other apps with "exotic" practical value. For instance, you meet a nice young lady at a bar. You take her home and one thing leads to another. Pretty soon you're fumbling all over her and that's when you discover much to your horror that the dick in your hands isn't your own. Don't you just hate that. Well how about an app that instantly confirms the gender of the person you meet. How would this work exactly? Perhaps some kind of heat imaging sensor that would expose the dreaded third leg.

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See Dick buy Jane a diamond necklace from De Beers.

Do you know what "fluency effect" is? In layman's terms it's the phenomenon whereby people will feel more favorable towards words and pictures that they find easier to process. Combine this with research that shows that people are more proficient at processing words they encountered earlier in life and you could have some major implications for brands.

Well that's what Andrew Ellis and his team of researches at the University of York decided to explore and the results are very compelling. "The evidence suggests that mere exposure to brands in childhood will make for more fluent recognition of those brand names in adulthood that will persist through to old age," said the team. In other words, listen up companies and start exposing children to your brands as early as possible.

In related news, I've just heard through the grapevine that a new Peter Rabbit story, "The Tale of Peter Rabbit and his German cousin Volkswagen Rabbit" will be released early next year.

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Brain-teaser Monday.

Complete the banner ads.


Answer to last week's brain-teaser: 2. An electric shaver (Norelco)

The Post Mortem is in.

In a painstakingly thorough autopsy that would have made Dr. Quincy M.E. seethe with envy, I've finally outlined the causes of death of my first screenplay, "The Spokesman".

• The depiction of Jesus Christ as a wood-fearing, father-loathing bedwetter probably caused irreparable damage to fair-minded sensibilities.
• The inclusion of Sid Vicious in Heaven probably strained the limits of believability to breaking point.
• Pervasive use of the words "jejune" and "insouciance" reduced characters to pretentious twats.
• Failure to include an obscure homage to Asian Cinema proved catastrophic.
• Complications arose from a car chase that was too avant-garde.
• A fairly predictable sex scene proved to be a weak antidote.
• The plot developed Alzheimer's and by the end had no idea where it was supposed to be.
• The screenplay was riddled with too many cliches, e.g., the British soccer hooligan; the penny-pinching Jew; the child-molesting Catholic Priest; the coke-snorting Australian ad guy; the Russian whore; the error-prone intern; the Korean deli-owner who pretends not to understand English.
  
• There was no role for Megan Fox.

I move on to the next screenplay with much momentum and optimism.

Victors & Spoils.

The world of advertising has a new agency. Hello Victors & Spoils. "The world's first creative (ad) agency built on crowd-sourcing principles" is how they tout themselves. A bold touting, indeed.

I have to confess though, it's an intriguing proposition. Having already dallied with some creative crowd-sourcing sites, notably Idea Bounty and been disappointed with the end products, I look forward to seeing what they come up with. One of the problems I have with most of these sites is that there is no room to grow your idea, i.e. it wins or not. And that's not really the way creativity works. Usually most great ideas start off good, but then need lots of care and attention to blossom.

It sounds like V&S has the creative direction apparatus in place to succeed. I wish them luck. And yes, this is a groveling post as I attempt to get accepted into their community.

The wonderful world of Branded Entertainment.

As a great believer/proponent of branded entertainment I always get a warm, tingly feeling when I discover new resources that spotlight/advance/celebrate it's cause. What's with all the forward slashing today.

First up here's a nice read (okay a little dry, but very informative), where some of the leading lights of BE (i just made that up) offer up their wisdom and experience; share some current examples; and explain the differences between branded entertainment and product placement.

Next up, check out this gem. A great example of how a comedic web series can seamlessly integrate a brand. Here's a taster.

EPISODE 1: “Yogurt Gets Rocked”
by brainstormtv

(Sharing credit to jawbone.tv)

Brain-teaser Monday.

Is this an ad for:

1. A health-services provider.
2. An electric shaver.
3. An employment agency.

Answer to last week's brain-teaser: Dan Quayle

It's my blog so I'll self-promote if I want to.

We had to head deep into the heart of the Shenandoah Valley and America's "bible belt" to uncover this very unusual training camp. Or so the legend says. Directed by Tom Cartier and written by yours truly. See if you can figure out which brand is behind this piece of branded entertainment.

Further reflections on celebrity advertising.

Rants are like a good dump. They are necessary to ease the system, but you can't do much with them after wards. So in an effort to be constructive, let me follow up my last post by sharing one of my favorite commercials that happens to feature celebrities. In fact I would go so far as to say the celebrities help make it the entertaining story it is. So thank you, Harry Dean Stanton, Juliette Lewis and Traci Lords, yes that Traci Lords.



Notice that they aren't being themselves, they are playing roles. The idea isn't about them, rather they are the vessels through which a great idea is conveyed, just like in film.

This is what I call branded entertainment. It is probably the one form of advertising where the use of celebrities, specifically top tier acting talent can be crucial. Remember BMW Films from a few years ago. One wonders how compelling they would have been without Clive Owen.

There I've said my peace.

Fire the celebrities.

A recent marketing survey turned up this gem. Only 8% percent of the public say they are more likely to be swayed by advertising with a celebrity in it. Almost 80% say the presence of a celebrity has no influence on them whatsoever.

Clearly, there is a little bit of untruth telling going on, after all who wants to admit to being the feeble-minded asshole who falls hook, line and sinker for a famous or infamous person. But even so, this survey has reinforced my long held belief that celebrity advertising, which by the way seems more prevalent than ever, is a lot less effective than advertisers and the star-fucker ad people who indulge in it would have you believe. Now I have my ammunition!

I should start off by disclosing that I have shot a few commercials with minor celebrities. The most famous being Hakeem Olajuwon, when he was winning NBA Championships for the Houston Rockets. The ad in question was for Uncle Ben's rice. It was god awful. Okay, I feel queasy just thinking about it. Hang on while I get some Tums.....

That's better. To be fair, there are times when the use of a celebrity is probably justified. Sports stars, for instance, clearly can give massive personality, credibility and creativity to athletic brands. No prizes for guessing who.

But why should Brett Favre hawk Wrangler jeans? Why is Payton Manning pushing Oreos? Why is Derek Jeter a salesman for Ford? And what the fuck was Hakeem Olajuwon doing with Uncle Ben's? Ah, wouldn't Gawker love to know. What possible intrinsic connection do these sports stars have to these non-athletic brands?

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Brain-teaser Monday brought to you by Merriam Webster.

Which Republican Vice-President got his words horribly wrong?

• Dick Cheney.
• Dan Quayle.
  
• Spiro Agnew.
• Richard Nixon.
• Gerald Ford.
  

Answer to last week's brain-teaser: 2. An erectile-dysfunction antidote (Viagra)