Tis the season to discuss a very, very non-controversial subject redux.

This from my anonymous friend at Francis Umberto Calvin Kooty Advertising. Glad to hear that they survived the recession.

It seems they have just produced, how coincidental, this poster for Atheists United, a major support group for secularists and humanists.

Why indeed?

It's my blog so I'll self-promote if I want to.

For thousands of years, saving mankind has been the sport of heroes. This November BBC America honors these ass-kickers of evil with a movie event called, "Heroic Heroes Hall of Fame".

It will be a month long tribute with movies featuring great British heroes like King Arthur, Robin Hood and Sky Captain. Yes, Sky Captain - hey I didn't come up with the promotion, I just sell it like a whore on steroids.

To extend the event online we came up with a number of content initiatives, including a Hall of Fame ballot for picking new heroes to induct and these special edition "Ass-Kickers of Evil Series" trading cards.

Fun with John and Sharron.

Perhaps this is a taste of what the establishment Republicans can now expect from the Tea Party.

The "Make it Happen" Challenge

It's baaaack. "Make it Happen", the crowd-sourcing challenge to see if my big ideas can come to fruition thanks to the rich community of creatives, writers, artists, designers, inventors, scientists, architects, pharmacologists, techies, provocateurs, ethicists, military contractors, etc.

MIH Brief 015

OBJECTIVE:

Plot future careers for America's favorite new Tea Partiers like Joe "It's unconstitutional" Miller, Christina "The O isn't for orgasm" O Donnell and Sharron "Man Up" Angle, assuming they all fail in their bids to become senators next week.

They came out of towns called nowhereville and obscurity to win the hearts and minds of the right-wing nation with panache and zeal.

The adorable Sharron Angle beguiled Nevada by not knowing the difference between Latinos and Asians.

Alaska's great white hope Joe Miller had a journalist detained for asking him questions. Just who do these journalists think they are anyway.

The bewitching Christina O Donnell put Delaware on the map with an amazingly cute impression of someone who doesn't know the contents of the Ist Amendment.

Then there is Rich Iott, would be representative from Ohio, who didn't so much do an impression, but rather "acted" out being a nazi. In his defense the black SS Uniforms did make him look a lot thinner.

And finally New York's Carl Paladino emphasized the guber in gubernatorial by emailing videos of women having sex with horses.

If there truly is a god then we'll be seeing all of them take their rightful places in Washington D.C and Albany.

But what if they lose. What then? Once in a lifetime talent like this shouldn't just be allowed to disappear quietly into a November night.

What career platforms can we create for these very special people that will allow them to continue to shine brightly in the hearts and minds of the American public?

THOUGHT STARTERS:
  -  Is there an opportunity for Marvel Comics to create a new band of superheroes featuring our lovable tea partiers. The "Fringe Five" could fight the tyranny of big government, the evils of Obamacare and the sneakiness of Latinos who look Asian.
  -  How about Joe Miller opening up a chain of hunting reserves around the country, where there is only one kind of prey. Journalists.

  -  Is there an opportunity for Sharron Angle to start up a chain of Asian/Spanish fusion restaurants? "Man ge up" could become all the rage, especially with her signature dish Stir Fried Harry Reid with Guacamole and Refried Beans.

  -  Now that Bob Guccione has passed on, perhaps Carl Paladino could step into his shoes to run the Penthouse empire. For starters he could introduce America to a new publication, "Hoares and Horses".

  -  Is there an opportunity for Christina O Donnell to write text books for the Texas school system? Only someone with her specialized skill set, i.e. she thinks evolution is a myth and has no real clue about the amendments to the constitution, could be trusted to fully meet the vision and mandates of the Texas school board. 

  -  Is there an opportunity for Rich Iott to develop his own line of nazi wear specially for re-enactments, Halloween, anti-Obama rallies and government takeovers.

MANDATORIES:

  -  All ideas must first be reviewed and approved by Sarah Palin.

  -  All Fox News, Christian Broadcasting Network and National Review employees will be exempt from Joe Miller's hunting reserves.

  -  Only Chamber of Commerce money can be used to finance any initiative.

Good luck and make it happen, people!

It's my blog so I'll self-promote if I want to.

Another promo for the Beeb. And Gordon says if you don't like it you can go fuck yourself.

It's my blog so I'll self-promote if I want to.

Finally some brand spanking new work for people who know a thing or two about spanking.

Lately, I've been writing and producing promos for the prim and proper folks at BBC America. Working on the client side is a relatively new experience for me, but so far a good time is being had by all.



One of my first assignments was to create some brand image promos laced with typically self-deprecating British wit. The result was a series of quick, quirky hits built around the thought that while the British can no longer claim superiority in most things they still make great television.

Brain-teaser Monday.

In this banner comp for the Metropolitan Museum of Art suspected heretics were what?

• Boiled in oil.
• Waterboarded for 40 days.
• Tickled with features.
• Called rude names.
• Burned at the stake.
• Urinated on by the Pope.
• Eaten by rats, alive.
• Sawed in half.
• Whipped to death.
• Ripped from limb to limb.

The "Make it Happen" Challenge.

Once more straight from the top. "Make it Happen", the crowd-sourcing challenge to see if my big ideas can come to fruition thanks to the rich community of creatives, writers, artists, designers, inventors, scientists, architects, pharmacologists, techies, provocateurs, ethicists, military contractors, etc.

MIH Brief 014

OBJECTIVE:

Chart a course of action for Jet Blue in the wake of the Stephen Slater affair. This can be a business proposal or a PR/marketing solution.

Check this out for more background, but to surmise Jet Blue flight attendant Stephen Slater has become the talk and toast of the town following his meltdown on a Jet Blue flight from Pittsburgh to New York.

We've certainly come along way since the dapper Captain Chesley Sullenberger. Back then our aviation heroes pulled out all the stops in the interests of the passenger. "Sully" cut the archetypal image of what a classic hero should be. Cool, calm and selfless. He was literally the last man off the plane.

Today's hero, not so much. It's a tubby gay guy who makes a profane laden premature exit with a can of beer. Classy! Yet Slater seems to have struck a cord with frustrated employees everywhere by jumping ship with a giant fuck you. Not so much a Howard Beale of the airwaves, rather a Howard Beale of the air.

But his popularity leaves Jet Blue with a dilemma. A company based on the service mantra that the customer is always right certainly can't allow one of its employee's, no matter how provoked, to lash out in such an unprofessional way, let alone slide out on the job.

On the other hand, part of Jet Blue's appeal is that it is the little upstart flying in the face of the cultural status quo. Slater is the embodiment of that, albeit a potty-mouthed, beer swilling version.

So what should Jet Blue do? How can it turn this bit of pr turbulence into a smooth landing?

THOUGHT STARTERS:
  -  What immediate lessons from the incident can be implemented on all Jet Blue flights? For example, in the safety talk before take-off Jet Blue flight attendants must point to the exits which they plan to escape from. Also, in the "unlikely event of a flight attendant escaping", passengers must be given instructions as to what to do, like which panic positions to assume.
  -  Let's be fearless. How about we make Steven Slater the face of a new Jet Blue campaign targeting terrorists? Try hijacking a Jet Blue plane and you'll have more than the Air Marshall's to worry about. Our bitchy flight attendants will meet jihad with a can of beer and a fuck you. Motherfuckers.

  -  Is there an opportunity for Jet Blue to turn this ugly incident into an act of good will? Perhaps every passenger on board Flight 1052 should be given a free can of beer, one minute to mouth off on the PA system and the chance to slide down an emergency shoot. Be "Steven Slater" for a day will not only allow everyone on board to have some fun at Jet Blue's expense, but it may also give them to welcome  a taste of what it feels like to have a "mad as hell and not going to take it moment". (There may be a lesson here for other companies!)
  -  Is there an opportunity for Jet Blue to make some structural changes to their planes to best deal with  these kinds of incidents in the future? For instance, how about separating the cabin sections into "Class" and "No Class". In "No Class" you can insult the flight attendants all you want. Of course, they also are allowed to insult you back.
  -  How can Jet Blue turn this into a financial boon? Perhaps it can create and offer "The Escape Clause". For an extra fee a passenger can jump off a Jet Blue flight. This is ONLY valid when the plane is on the ground, of course. As soon as the flight is airborne, the clause is rendered null and void.
  -  Is there an opportunity to incorporate this incident into Jet Blue's fabulous frequent flier miles programs? For instance, how about passengers who earn a certain number of miles, say one hundred thousand, get rewarded with a a free can of beer, one minute to mouth off on the PA system and the chance to slide down an emergency shoot.
  -  Should Jet Blue take a very hard line stand against such behavior in the interest of corporate responsibility and customer service? Perhaps they ought to issue a solemn promise that if any Jet Blue employee tries to walk or slide off the job in the future they will be shot by an Air Marshall. Much like an army in battle, desertion will not be tolerated.  
 

MANDATORIES:

  -  There are no mandatories for this challenge. Everything is up in the air.

Good luck and make it happen, people!

Brain-teaser Monday.

In this commercial for American Airlines, a director asks, "why squirrel hate me?" Why does the squirrel hate him?

• The director ate the squirrel's nuts
• The director tickled the squirrel's nuts
• The squirrel is French and so hates everybody
• The director asked the squirrel to perform certain acts demeaning to a rodent of his stature
• The squirrel isn't used to working with c-list directors
• The squirrel left his happy pills at home
• The director is dating the squirrel's ex-fiancee
• The director doesn't understand that when squirrels love someone they act like assholes
• The director is a paranoid schizophrenic
• The director came all over his tail

Answer to last week's brain-teaser: BBDO 

Brain-teaser Monday.

John Smith was hired by BBDO in the fall of 1986. He was let go two years later after "rehabilitation issues", but soon after got a job at MVBMS. After winning a few awards he left MVBMS for TBWA, before returning to MVBMS less than six months later. Following merger and restructuring complications John was let go from MVBMS in 1996, but soon found a home at DMB&B. In 1998 John "voluntarily" left DMB&B for GDS&M, following unproven allegations of sexual misconduct. John was let go from GDS&M in 2002. He was hired by MFP, but after a series of "expenses irregularities" was let go. He found it hard to get another job after that and temporarily had to take a job with the NYSDMV. He finally got back into advertising in 2005 with a string of freelance gigs at JWT, MMA and BBH. He took a full time job with DDB in 2007. It didn't last long, but now John finds himself back where he started. Where is John now?

The "Make it Happen" Challenge.

Is it a bird? It is a plane? No silly it's "Make it Happen", the crowd-sourcing challenge to see if my big ideas can come to fruition thanks to the rich community of creatives, writers, artists, designers, inventors, scientists, architects, pharmacologists, techies, provocateurs, ethicists, military contractors, etc.

MIH Brief 013

OBJECTIVE:

Create a feature film that borrows from the real life incarceration of Lindsay Lohan. The movie can be fictitious or factual.

Today is Lindsey Lohan's forth day behind bars as she serves a 90 sentence for probation violations stemming from a drug incident way back in 2006. It's an all too familiar tale of a spoiled, self-destructive, less than bright uber talent getting into serious trouble, but that's not our concern. The important thing is that one crazy starlet's misfortune is many a film-maker's opportunity of a lifetime.

The prison genre was once a vibrant staple of the American film goer's diet with such tasty classics as "Cool Hand Luke", "Papillon", "Midnight Express", "The Longest Yard", "The Shawshank Redemption", "Escape from Alcatraz", "Kiss of the Spider Woman" and "Caged Heat". Okay maybe not "Caged Heat", but what an extraordinary sample.

Unfortunately the genre has inexplicably gotten stale, if it hasn't dropped off the menu altogether. Can you think of a decent prison movie from the last couple of years? Didn't think do.

But now thanks to Lohan's conviction and the media spotlight on prisons there may be a golden opportunity to breathe new life into this dying genre. 

THOUGHT STARTERS:

  -  Let's start with the obvious. How about the "The Lohan Redemption", a remake of Frank Darabont's classic? Instead of the smart, savvy banker convicted of killing his wife, we have a spoiled, self-destructive, less than bright yet uber talented Hollywood starlet convicted of probation violations. Lindsay Lohan would play herself, hence the title. Like Andy Dufresne she would never lose hope, but instead of a real escape, hers would be more metaphorical, i.e. she finds a way to escape her demons. Queen Latifa could feminize Morgan Freeman's character, Red. We call her Dusty.

  -  A Tyler Perry written, directed and produced comedy might just rule the box office. Could we build a story around a spoiled, self-destructive, less than bright yet uber talented Hollywood starlet who becomes a black Muslim, or rather a white black Muslim while serving jail time for probation violations. When she is released she returns home much to the horror of her family and friends. Hilarity ensues. Tyler Perry will play the cell-mate who introduces her to Islam.
  -  How about a brutal revenge drama, "The Rape of Locklear"? Alice Locklear is a spoiled, self-destructive, less than bright yet uber talented Hollywood starlet who is convicted of probation violations. While serving time in jail she is brutally raped by other prisoners as well as the sadistic prison warden. The trauma is so severe that when she is released she embarks on a bloody journey of vengeance that doesn't stop until she has visited retribution on everyone who has raped her in her life. You see being raped in jail wasn't the first time. By the end her surprising victims include her agent, two producers, her parents, her therapist, her high-school guidance councillor and the probation officer who fitted the monitoring device on her ankle. This would be a N-17 release.
  -  John Walters style comedy anyone? In "Traveling panties of the Aryan Sisterhood", Rose Petals is an FBI agent who goes undercover as a spoiled, self-destructive, less than bright yet uber talented Hollywood starlet convicted of probation violations. Her assignment is to infiltrate the Aryan Sisterhood while in jail and bust a major white slave ring that they are running from the inside.
  -  Is there an opportunity for a musical? "The Jailbirds" could be the inspiring story of how music brings together three lost souls from different walks of life. There is a black Muslim, an Aryan sister and a spoiled, self-destructive, less than bright yet uber talented Hollywood starlet who is convicted of probation violations.
  -  Then there's this. When a spoiled, self-destructive, less than bright yet uber talented Hollywood starlet is convicted of probation violations she has to share a prison cell with the spoiled, self-destructive, less than bright yet no talent daughter of a financial tycoon. Imagine the possibilities!
 

MANDATORIES:

  -  There must be a lesbian shower scene between some of the prisoners.
  -  Any scenes of escape must be scored by Giorgio Moroder.
  -  The prison warden must have a thick southern accent.
  -  A prisoner only a few days from release must die.

Good luck and make it happen, people!

"Dead Ideaville"

It's not just advertising ideas that die, of course. Television ideas suffer similar deaths, perhaps even more gruesome. Here's one I pitched a while back. The fact that I am here writing a blog rather than living it up in Malibu says it all.

"X-BAY"

It all starts in the office of John Thornton, assistant deputy director for the CIA. He is busy at work when he gets an email message. It reads:

"Greetings. Item #11. George and Barbara. Male and Female Martians in good condition. Bidding will commence 14:30est. www.xbay.com. Username: CIA. Password: Holy Shit."

And so begins X-BAY, a dark comedy/action series that takes the phenomenon of the online auction to an extreme and probably absurd level.

So what is X-BAY?

A very secretive, exclusive online auction site that facilitates the buying and selling of anything of extraordinarily extreme value.

What is “anything of extraordinarily extreme value”?  

Government secrets; multinational corporation secrets; celebrity secrets; patents; international fugitives; government witnesses; weapons of mass destruction; expensive art; historical treasures; first ladies; special services, e.g. assassinations; espionage; terrorist acts.

Who are the participants?
Anyone with an interest to sell or buy, as long as it is of extreme value. These include governments, corporations, private individuals as well as third party bounty raiders. A free market like X-BAY has encouraged savvy, international thieves who can penetrate any facility in the world to steal anything of value. Just to spice up the intrigue, these raiders may or may not be agents for various governments too. Naturally all participants are anonymous.

What is the currency?
Money. National Treasures. Weapons. Anything of extreme value. E.g., Bolivia is looking to buy nuclear weapons from the Chinese. It offers up cocaine, which the Chinese gladly accept.

Why can’t governments shut X-Bay down?
Because governments are their biggest clients.

The first episode will follow the US government as it bids to buy back the Martians from other bidders including world governments and the multinational media organizations that would dearly love to break the story. Who will win? What will be the bidding strategies? And what will be the consequences?

We will also be introduced to one of the bounty raiders, who steals the patent for the cure of cancer. In future episodes we will find out who will bid for the patent and why. Other future scenarios include:

  -  England wakes up to discover that Stonehenge is gone. Stolen by those pesky bounty raiders. When it ends up on X-BAY for auction a major bidding war breaks out. But who will dare buy the stones shrouded in mystery and the occult?
  -  Aztec Lopez, the baron of drug barons is kidnapped and put on X-BAY. Given that there is a multi- million-dollar reward for him in five different countries not to mention rival drug gangs that would like to eliminate him and the stage is set for some interesting and heated bidding.
  -  Nepal needs help in lowering its huge deficit. It puts up the rights to Mt Everest for auction. Why the hell are the Swiss bidding!
  -  Nuclear weapons are stolen in a Russian Republic and are up for bidding on X-BAY, causing major headaches across various capitals. Under no circumstances can they be outbid by a non-government entity.
  -  The first lady is kidnapped and put on X-BAY. But the White House receives unexpected competition to get her back. Who on earth would want to buy the first lady?

The "Make it Happen" Challenge.

Time to play another special World Cup edition of "Make it Happen", the crowd-sourcing challenge to see if my big ideas can come to fruition thanks to the rich community of creatives, writers, artists, designers, inventors, scientists, architects, pharmacologists, techies, provocateurs, ethicists, military contractors, etc.

MIH Brief 012

OBJECTIVE:

Create a television show that will allow the English public to help chose the next England football manager.

Another World Cup has passed by for the hapless "Three Lions". It's now 44 years since they brought home the cup. This campaign, though, may be the most dismal yet. And much of the blame lies with manager Fabio "Don" Capello. Indeed his days look to be numbered as the "gaffer". If he does get the boot, England will be looking for their 14th manager since Sir Alf Ramsey lifted the Jules Rimet trophy back in 1966.

During this barren spell the English Football Association has been responsible for selecting the manager. They've picked native coaches, sophisticated foreign coaches, ex-players, tacticians, introverts, shameless extroverts, tall coaches, short coaches. The result though has always been the same. Failure followed by an angry backlash from a frustrated public, who are completely shut out of the decision making process.

Perhaps a drastic shift in how the manager is selected is needed. Maybe it's time to take the choice from behind the closed doors of the English FA and into the living rooms of the English public. Let them chose the next manager. This way they can personally feel connected to him, as well as make him directly accountable to them.

We do this through a "talent" show called, "So you want to be the manager of England." Talent shows are very popular. They usually arouse more audience interest and induce more participation than a parliamentary election. If the English public can be trusted to pick the next singing superstar or Britain's entry into the Eurovision song contest, why can't they chose the next England manager.

And just maybe, by connecting the public to the team in such a direct and fun way we might be able to change the attitude of the manager and players enough so that they may finally bring glory back home.
  
THOUGHT STARTERS:

  -  What should the format for the show be? Maybe it should follow traditional models like "Pop Idol" and "Strictly Come Dancing". How will the initial screening process work? How many finalists will be selected? Eleven (number of players in a football team) would seem to make sense.
  -  Perhaps the show should be centered around certain challenges that each finalist will have to face. Points are awarded for their performance. For example, they score positive points for successfully dealing with a hostile media, or negative points for failing to control an unruly WAG.
  -  How can the show root out and penalize the "character flaws" of the perspective candidates. For instance certain coaches have an annoying tendency to make ridiculously bold predictions. Yes I'm talking about you Harry Redknapp. Similarly, many coaches reflexively resort to the most pathetic excuses to explain away a poor result. Sir Alex Ferguson once blamed his team's dismal performance on the wrong color of their shirts.
  -  Should style matter? Do we want the next manger to be a snappy dresser or a slob in a tracksuit?
  -  How important is it to have a coach with pleasing facial expressions and positive body language. Surely we don't need another Capello scowl or the stiffness of Steve McClaren. Then again do we really want the tourette's syndrome of Diego Maradona?
  -  Is there a way to integrate a social media component? For instance, perhaps the initial screening process can be executed on Facebook. All perspective candidates have to submit a three-minute video explaining why they should be manager. The video should outline their achievements in football, as well as their complete disdain for 4-4-2. The top eleven are then chosen for the final elimination series on TV. Viewing and voting takes place on Facebook.
  -  Who can apply? Should it be only open to those with football experience or can we go outside the pitch. Military personnel might provide a different kind of leadership. Or perhaps Team England needs to be treated like a failing corporation. A dynamic trouble-shooting CEO might just be the answer. Sir Richard Branson, anyone?
 

MANDATORIES:

  -  Judges must included Sven Goren Erickson, Victoria Beckham and Ozzy Osborne.
  -  Only residents of England can participate. It's pretty clear that Scots will just try to sabotage the process by voting for the weakest candidates.
  -  The show must be called, "So you want to be the manager of England".

Good luck and make it happen, people!

The "Make it Happen" Challenge.

Let's play a special World Cup edition of "Make it Happen", the crowd-sourcing challenge to see if my big ideas can come to fruition thanks to the rich community of creatives, writers, artists, designers, inventors, scientists, architects, pharmacologists, techies, provocateurs, ethicists, military contractors, etc.

MIH Brief 011

OBJECTIVE:

Create the "Unofficial"story behind England's inglorious failure at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

Another World Cup passes by for the hapless "Three Lions". It's now 44 years since they brought home the cup. This campaign, though, may be the most dismal yet. They didn't start off on the right foot, actually it was more like two left feet and it ended in total capitulation against ze dreaded Germans.

The inquest has already begun. And over the next few weeks speculation as to what went orribly wrong for the so called "Golden Generation" is bound to grow to a fever pitch. Players may talk, WAGS may talk, even the kit manager may talk, but in truth we will never really know what went down.

So let's take advantage of the English public's insatiable desire to know more and pro-actively create an "embellished" version of events, either through a movie, or documentary or even a book. Why not have more fun at the England team's expense.

THOUGHT STARTERS:

  -  A Guy Ritchie inspired movie, "The Inside Job" could be the answer. When the mafia kidnap Fabio Capello's family he has no option but to meet their demands and make sure England get knocked out of the World Cup. Steve Coogan stars as Fabio Capello, a desperate manager faced with the task of making sure England lose without raising any suspicions. Of course given that England usually do lose, how hard could it really be.
  -  Perhaps a farce, rather than a thriller is more appropriate. Roberto Benigni could turn Fabio Capello into the "Inspector Clouseau" of football mangers in the mindless comedy, "Down and Out of Africa." It would be filled with old and predictable gags like Fabio slipping on a banana peel; Fabio sitting on a whoopee cushion; Fabio being chased by a Rhino; Fabio playing 4-4-2.
  -  A juicy behind the scenes expose from an anonymous WAG might be the answer. "Lion on the Prowl" is the unauthorized documentary of how an "uncontrollable" John Terry seduced all the wives and girlfriends of the England team players, thereby creating tension and disunity in the camp. For example, Wayne Rooney catches Terry in bed with his wife. And when she blames his "lack of performance in bed" for her adultery, an affected Rooney takes his lack performance to the field.
 

MANDATORIES:

  -  David Beckham must be included.
  -  It must end with Harry Redknapp confidently predicting that England will definitely win the next World Cup.

Good luck and make it happen, people!

The "Make it Happen" Challenge.

Did someone say "Make it Happen", the crowd-sourcing challenge to see if my big ideas can come to fruition thanks to the rich community of creatives, writers, artists, designers, inventors, scientists, architects, pharmacologists, techies, provocateurs, ethicists, military contractors, etc.

MIH Brief 010

OBJECTIVE:

Create a comprehensive advertising initiative in preparation for the legalization of marijuana in California.

Check this out for more background, but to surmise, the latest polls in California put support for the proposition to legalize marijuana at 49% with 41% against. So with just a few months to go before Californians go to the pot polls the probability of the Golden State becoming the Toking State is now more likely than ever.

With this in mind, it's never to early to start conceiving an effective and imaginative marketing plan. The annual California pot output, according to the state Board of Equalization, is estimated to be worth $14 billion. Those who are ready to hit the ground running, should marijuana become legal, will be laughing all the way to the bank.

THOUGHT STARTERS:

  -  Brand naming will be crucial. What kinds of dynamic, fun, sexy names should we be looking for? Here are a few possible examples: "Jamaic my day"; "Aztoka"; "Starbuzz"; "Negril Nirvana"; "Cannibliss"; "Ganga Lites"; "Acapulco Daze";
  -  Brand packaging will be critical too. What designers can we work with to create the most irresistible designer bags? Think about how the product will be distributed. Is there an opportunity to sell "ready-made" joints? Or is half the fun in the preparation itself.
  -  Smoking pot should be a very communal activity. What kinds of  social media applications can we create to help foster this sense of community? For example, how about 'Toke Me' on Facebook. What better way to send a virtual joint to a friend.
  -  Music and pot go hand in hand. Which artists can we employ to create the right image? There should be a wide array of talent to chose from.
  -  What music events can we sponsor and promote? "Mary Jane's Musical Jamboree" has a nice ring to it.
  -  Is their an opportunity to create branded programming on VH1? For instance, "One Hit Wonders" brought to you by Starbuzz.
  -  Then there's a celebrity angle. Which celebrity spokespeople could we recruit to lend their credible voices? Cheech and Chong are obvious, but who else? Bill Maher would be a topical choice, although in truth he's already a spokesman. Woody Harrelson is another. Perhaps someone less expected, like Al Gore.
  -  How about a Direct Response initiative? Could we create an educational DVD with the "video professor", in which he instructs how to roll the perfect joint.
  -  What about the cross-promotion potential with relevant companies? Snack food companies and ice-cream manufactures seem perfect. Ben and Jerry's anyone?
  -  Is there an opportunity to partner up with Starbucks to build and manage marijuana cafes a la  Amsterdam?

MANDATORIES:

  -  All marijuana packaging must have the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.
  -  Marijuana "blended" products must disclose all ingredients.

Good luck and make it happen, people!

"Dead Ideaville"

It's not often you get two bites at the cherry. But that's the opportunity I was afforded when I got a second crack at Viagra. The first time I stayed within the confines of conventional thinking and came up with some very mediocre ideas. Not so the second. Unfortunately this wasn't for Canada or Europe.

Viagra - "The Return of Studs 'Giant' Turtle"

The brief was pretty clear cut. Banish the haunting memory of the "Viva Viagra" barn singing rock band forever with a memorable, engaging idea. If that didn't shout out for branded-entertainment I don't know what will. 

The idea was to create a web series sponsored by Viagra called, "The Return of Studs 'Giant' Turtle". It would be a humorous series that follows an aging former porn star who returns to the industry after a very long absence.

The back story. In the early eighties, Studs Turtle ruled the porn world. Young, athletic, charismatic, good looking and let's just say his nickname "Giant" wasn't ironic. He was the one actor every actress wanted to work with, every director wanted to shoot and every voyeur wanted to watch.

But then a funny thing happened on the way to his next money shot. He fell in love with a Swedish princess, married her, quit the business and entered into a privileged albeit anonymous life of European royalty.

Then twenty five years later in 2008, his princess left him for Steven Twig, lead singer of the ska-punk band, "King Zot and the disciples of pimp". They were divorced soon after and Studs was forced to return to America, penniless. Against the better advice of his friends and family he decided to return to the world he once ruled.

That's where this series will begin. We follow Studs are he struggles to reacquaint himself with an industry that has rapidly moved on without him. Now an out of shape, middle-aged man he finds it hard to relate to the newer, fresher, brasher breed of actors on his comeback film, "No Cunt for Old Men". Will the legend that was Studs "Giant" Turtle be able to stand up to the challenge and mount a successful comeback.

At least he has Viagra at his side to keep him going.

Rest in peace Studs. Or until Cialis comes calling.

Topical musing of the now.

I was recently watching a documentary on the First World War and it occurred to me that wars don't have their own taglines.

Granted WW1 was often referred to as "The war to end all wars", not exactly the most accurate of lines. And in some parts of the south, the U.S. Civil War is provocatively called, "The war of northern aggression". But what about the other major wars throughout history? What taglines would best suit them?

• Second Messenian War (685 BC - 668 BC) - New war. Same result.
• Battle of Alesia (52 BC) - The mauling of the Gaul.
• Battle of Chalons (451) - Run Hun Run.
• Saxon Wars (772 -804) - It wasn't a good time to be a Saxon.
• Battle of Hastings (1066) - How William became The Conqueror.
• Hundred Years War (1337 - 1453) - More time meant more killing.
• Anglo-Spanish War (1585-1604) - Battle of the Armadas. 
• English Civil War (1642 - 1651) - Civility was the last thing on their minds.   
• The Seven Years War (1756 - 1763) - The actual first world war.
• American Revolutionary War (1775 - 1783) - USA! USA! USA!
• Battle of Trafalgar (1805) - Hooray for Horatio.
• First Anglo-Chinese War (1839 - 1842) - The war for drugs.
• Crimea War (1853 - 1856) - It's all about Florence.
• Franco/Prussian War (1870 - 1871) - French fried.
• Second World War (1939 - 1945) - Hell hath no fury like a German scorned.
• Vietnam War (1955 - 1975) - Charlie's War.
• Soviet/Afghan War (1979 - 1989) - Another super power bites the dust.
• Falklands War (1982) - Don't mess with Maggie.
• Iran/Iraq War (1980 - 1988) - Battle of the Towelheads.
• Bosnian War (1992 - 1995) - Some people give war a bad name.

The "Make it Happen" Challenge.

Time to "Make it Happen", the crowd-sourcing challenge to see if my big ideas can come to fruition thanks to the rich community of creatives, writers, artists, designers, inventors, scientists, architects, pharmacologists, techies, provocateurs, ethicists, military contractors, etc.

MIH Brief 009

OBJECTIVE:

Plot a new career path for the soon to be ex-FreeCreditReport Band.

Check this out for more background, but to surmise, the financially inept, "love to hate" band in the FreeCreditReport.com ads have been dropped. The financial company is looking for a new band to sing a whole new initiative for them.

It's a sudden end to to an incredulous gig for the Montreal native "musicians". It all started three years ago and since then they've created images and sounds that will surely haunt us for the rest of our lives. Who can forget their "Pirates of Pity" jam. The "Roller coaster" sing along left a whole audience ready to hurl along with them. And the "Twits in Tights" routine at the Renaissance Fair...well it really doesn't need any more explanation.

F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote "There are no second acts in American lives". How can we prove him dead wrong (we've got the dead part down) by creating a golden future for the FreeCreditReport Band.

THOUGHT STARTERS:

  -  Let's get the obvious thought out of the way first. Is there any merit to creating a Facebook campaign to persuade FreeCreditReport.com to reinstate the band. (This may be a really tough sell given that FCR will be incorporating social media to find their new band.)
  -  What about other potential advertising gigs? What other appropriate brands could they sing for? Monster.com seems like an ideal partner. Theladders.com may be out of their range though.
  -  Or perhaps they could become the "House band" for a financial related TV show. For example, "The Suze Orman Show" on CNBC.
  -  Reinvention usually starts with a new band name, and new image. What names could break through the clutter and capture the public's imagination? Here are a few possible examples: The Broken Legs; Pre-Approved; Are you kidding me; The Furry Parts; Born Out Of Wedlock.
  -  Perhaps the band needs to start playing real gigs to build up an audience base. How do we can get them onto the wedding, bar mitzvah and advertising industry party circuit?
  -  "American Idol" has a vacancy at the judging position. The band would seem to be ideal candidates, especially given that the producers of the show have lately been employing judges with no real music talent (Ellen Degeneres).

   -  The aforementioned Ellen Degeneres has just started her own record label. Her first signing is some kid with a youtube hit, proving she is a music executive with no taste levels whatsoever. Surely it couldn't be that hard to get the band to be her second signing. 
  -  One hit wonders end up on VH1. Could we create a reality series featuring the band as they try to get signed up by a major label. Maybe even Ellen's.
  -  Perhaps if one of the members was to suddenly "expire", we may be able to create some sympathy for the band which could result in the break they need. It could even lead to a social media campaign to find the ideal replacement.
  -  Could we possibly interest major producers to get behind the band? What could intrigue Snoop Dog to want to collaborate with them, other than bribing him with marijuana?
  -  If their music career doesn't pan out where else can they apply their talent or lack thereof? Could they take their "financial experience" as credit spokesmen to the airwaves as experts on Fox Business Channel. They should fit right in.

MANDATORIES:

  -  The band MUST at all times disparage FreeCreditReport.com
  -  The band can never write their own material.
  -  The old lady that appears with them in their ads must always be included in their entourage.
  -  The band must submit to regular credit score testing.

Good luck and make it happen, people!

The "Make it Happen" Challenge.

Get ready to "Make it Happen", the crowd-sourcing challenge to see if my big ideas can come to fruition thanks to the rich community of creatives, writers, artists, designers, inventors, scientists, architects, pharmacologists, techies, provocateurs, ethicists, military contractors, etc.

MIH Brief 008

OBJECTIVE:

Create a social-media campaign that helps repair the damage to British Petroleum's image and reputation.

Check this out for more background, but to surmise, British Petroleum have had a lousy May. Nothing seems to be going right for them, other than the whopping profits they're raking in of course.

But leaving aside the billions of dollars added to the credit side of their balance sheet, the last few weeks  has been a pr disaster for them. Okay, it's been a bigger disaster for the wildlife and fishermen of the Gulf Coast, but BP as a global brand is fast leaking credibility. Okay the leak is not as fast as the thousands of gallons of oil pouring into the coastal waters off Louisiana as we speak, oh look another dead turtle, but as someone once said, "image is everything".

A classic pr or advertising campaign will almost certainly come across as too corporate or manipulative and will probably fail, albeit not as badly as BP's current attempts to contain this mess. What is needed is something a little more organic. A comprehensive social media campaign seems like the perfect strategy for cleaning up their image.

THOUGHT STARTERS:

  -  A grand gesture of self-punishment is a good first step in trying to win back an outraged public. In Japan they call it Seppuku and it involves disembowelment. Thankfully for BP this isn't Japan, but can we create a "self-punishment" campaign via Facebook that essentially offers users a satisfying incentive to become fans of British Petroleum, e.g. If BP can get ten million fans then its CEO or even better board of directors will be publicly soaked in crude oil.

  -  Bribery is another effective way to reverse negative public opinion. Twitter seems a logical platform for BP to engage and "give back to the community". Is there an opportunity for a treasure hunt via a twitter campaign? For instance, a number of BP stations around the country could suffer major "cash leaks". Hundred dollar bills will literally pour out of these BP stations for people to grab. Information on the times and locations could be hidden in specially coded tweets.
  -  BP stations could also be the venue for an engaging Foursquare campaign. For example, if you check in to a certain number of BP stations you are entitled to free gas. Or perhaps we can create another treasure hunt a la Jimmy Choo's Foursquare campaign.
  -  Sometimes the best way to improve public relations is to just beg for forgiveness. Is there any merit to BP creating the Facebook group, "Please don't sue us, we're really, really, really sorry." How could we get more people to join without bribing them?
  -  To preempt the expected hit to the Gulf seafood industry can we create a blog campaign using high-profile "influencers" to speak out against shrimp and lobster.
  -  Oil companies are notorious for "buying favorable decisions" from regulators. Lately this has involved sex and cocaine parties and it has proved very successful. Is there an opportunity for BP to throw a few sex and cocaine parties to win over a skeptical public? Invitations could be sent out via Facebook, twitter etc.
  -  The name British Petroleum sounds very toxic right now. A new name and logo may help clear the air, if not the sea. Perhaps there is an opportunity for a crowd-sourcing campaign. What better way to engage the public than get them to come up with a new name for you. Let's just hope there aren't too many rude ones.
 
MANDATORIES:

  -  All messaging must carry the disclaimer, "Although British Petroleum aren't to blame for this setback we are willing to take full responsibility."
  -  Illegal immigrants are NOT entitled to any free gas or cash giveaways.

Good luck and make it happen, people!

The "Make it Happen" Challenge.

Time for another "Make it Happen", the crowd-sourcing challenge to see if my big ideas can come to fruition thanks to the rich community of creatives, writers, artists, designers, inventors, scientists, architects, pharmacologists, techies, provocateurs, ethicists, military contractors, etc.

MIH Brief 007

OBJECTIVE:

Create a mobile phone application to deal with unfriendly Aliens.

Check this out for more background, but to surmise, renowned scientist Stephen Hawking thinks we should avoid Aliens at all cost. And he's not endorsing the immigration bill that just passed in Arizona.

Rather he is talking about Aliens from another galaxy and according to Hawking if/when they do come to earth they won't come in peace. He likens them to Christopher Columbus landing on these shores, only humans are the Native Americans. And as Hawking notes, it didn't turn out too well for them.

A well-designed mobile application that can help you successfully interact with Aliens, should they visit anytime soon, would be a "must have" addition to any survival kit. Who knows when and where you'll encounter one. It might just save your life or the lives of your loved ones.

THOUGHT STARTERS:

  -  In John Carpenter's movie, "They Live", a special brand of sunglasses could reveal the alien invaders amongst us. Could the mobile application have a similar function? An alien detector that separates friend from foe.

  -  In the TV miniseries "V", one of our (humans) major weakness was our inability to see the Alien invaders as they really were, i.e. nasty reptiles. How can we develop an early warning system, if you will, that unmasks their true nature.
  -  Could the mobile application set off certain sounds that only aliens could hear? These sounds would scare them off, giving you precious time to escape.
  -  In "War of the Worlds", the Aliens are eventually undone by bacterias and chemicals found in the Earth's atmosphere. Could the app have a function to identify the unusual biological make-up of Aliens? Knowing what makes them vulnerable could prove to a great weapon of attack.
  -  Sad, but true, some humans will "collaborate" with the Aliens to save their own skin. Can the app be used to ferret out these traitors?
  -  If all the Aliens look the same, it may be hard to distinguish the leaders amongst them. Can the app have some sophisticated screening device to identify the Alien elites.
  -  At some point before you take off on a plane you are asked to shut off your cell phone because apparently it may interfere with the aircraft's communication and navigation systems. Something to do with the energy the phone emits. Now granted we don't know what type of aeronautical systems the Aliens will use, but is there any kind of sophisticated jamming devices can we employ to "fuck with" Alien spacecraft.

MANDATORIES:

  -  The app must have a built-in self-destruct mechanism designed to cause massive damage. If you get abducted, take out as many of the basterds as you can.
  -  The app must able to let an Alien phone home just in case they are friendly after all. The last thing we want is to set off a diplomatic incident of galactic proportions.

Good luck and make it happen, people!