Fire the celebrities.

A recent marketing survey turned up this gem. Only 8% percent of the public say they are more likely to be swayed by advertising with a celebrity in it. Almost 80% say the presence of a celebrity has no influence on them whatsoever.

Clearly, there is a little bit of untruth telling going on, after all who wants to admit to being the feeble-minded asshole who falls hook, line and sinker for a famous or infamous person. But even so, this survey has reinforced my long held belief that celebrity advertising, which by the way seems more prevalent than ever, is a lot less effective than advertisers and the star-fucker ad people who indulge in it would have you believe. Now I have my ammunition!

I should start off by disclosing that I have shot a few commercials with minor celebrities. The most famous being Hakeem Olajuwon, when he was winning NBA Championships for the Houston Rockets. The ad in question was for Uncle Ben's rice. It was god awful. Okay, I feel queasy just thinking about it. Hang on while I get some Tums.....

That's better. To be fair, there are times when the use of a celebrity is probably justified. Sports stars, for instance, clearly can give massive personality, credibility and creativity to athletic brands. No prizes for guessing who.

But why should Brett Favre hawk Wrangler jeans? Why is Payton Manning pushing Oreos? Why is Derek Jeter a salesman for Ford? And what the fuck was Hakeem Olajuwon doing with Uncle Ben's? Ah, wouldn't Gawker love to know. What possible intrinsic connection do these sports stars have to these non-athletic brands?

Then there's the gratuitous use of "topical" celebrities to make noise. For example, Levi Johnson features in a current nut commercial, which to be fair did get everyone talking. But is that the idea for the brand - get everyone talking. For a phone company, I get it. I still wouldn't go there, but at least I get it. For nuts, well it....doesn't make sense. It's just an easy, lazy substitute for a real idea.

Most pervasive of late is the "Resurrection" celebrity ad, in which has-beens are dusted off and brought out of the wilderness. I'm talking about you Eric Estrada. And you MC Hammer. Why do advertisers and their agencies continue to beat this hackneyed horse?

Perhaps creatives are really sentimental types and, no doubt through the goodness of their kind hearts they seek out has-been celebrities with the hopes of resurrecting their once glittering careers. What heartless bastard wouldn't want to help Vanilla Ice or Webster put food on their table. No, I didn't think so either.

Alas, the answer is rather obvious. It requires less creativity and effort to find a celebrity to pose as an idea rather than come up with a fresh one. Heads up Martin Agency, Richard Greico is standing by. He'd like his career back.

But I rant. Back to this new survey. Could there be a slim chance that these numbers will finally allow us to break free from the curse of the celebrity? I think I need more Tums.

(Sharing credit to Adweek)